"How to Better Manage Our Emotions When Facing Long-Term Goals"

This article is Lu Canwei's 70th original piece.

Click the blue 【Lu Canwei】 above to follow; remember to add a ⭐️ star mark~

Yesterday, we actually discussed a topic about self-management in the process of achieving long-term goals.

For example, when we participate in a marathon, we need to run over 40 kilometers, but often we do not have enough time to train for this marathon. It is very likely that we will find our knees starting to hurt halfway through. At this point, we realize we have already run half the distance; continuing to run is unbearable for our knees, but if we give up, we can't accept it ourselves, after all, we have run so far. Generally speaking, there are rest stations at intervals during a marathon. Some rest stations have energy bars, some have water, and others have sponges soaked in water. These rest stations also have Yunnan Baiyao, which can alleviate knee pain.

So when we set long-term goals, the first thing we need to do is to avoid falling into learned helplessness.

The following is content from Wikipedia:

Just like running a marathon, when knee pain occurs, do not fall into a negative behavior of believing that you cannot continue running and that nothing you do will help. Instead, seek methods to find our Yunnan Baiyao.

First, I need to identify our own situation, which means looking at what kind of negative emotions we are experiencing. This classification is by Albert Ellis, who is ranked among the top three greatest behavioral psychologists in America, coming in second, with Freud in third place, so you can see how impressive he is.

One of our negative emotions is called excessive irritability. For example, when we often return home and see the house in a mess, we can get particularly angry. At that moment, there may be a sense of inexplicable rage, and later when we reflect on it, we might feel that we were a bit excessive.

When we are in a good mood, we do not react this way. For instance, when I returned yesterday and found the room door closed with the cat inside, I ended up washing the comforter in the middle of the night because I had already completed the reviews I needed to write.

Many times, we are influenced by the things around us. We continuously self-suggest the same things, leading to a vicious cycle. At this point, many people will advise you to relax and accept yourself. You might feel this is just motivational talk, but in reality, it is a method of self-rescue. When you think this way, the situation remains the same, but your state of mind changes.

Albert Ellis also proposed an ABC model. A represents the occurrence of an event, such as a child scoring last in their class. Then comes B, where you believe the child should have scored first, and you cannot accept this, which makes you very angry; this is your B. So what is C? That would be your intense anger leading you to hit the child or argue with your partner about it, shifting the blame onto them, etc. These are C.

We ultimately see C and think about changing A, believing that if A is removed, C will not exist. This is somewhat like saying that if a problem occurs, as long as we solve the person who raised the problem, the problem will no longer exist. But in reality, it is B that can change C. If at this moment your B is that the child did not do well this time, you can try harder next time or communicate to understand why they did not perform well, perhaps due to lack of rest or not performing to their potential, then the C of this situation will not be the same as the previous C.

This might be what Confucius referred to as the Doctrine of the Mean.

Recommendations:

What did the "Night Talk on Wealth" really discuss?

Truly effective long-term strategies, settling for less

Is this thing profitable?

Team management: Helping others grow

How to turn fragmented information into our knowledge

Do not let adaptive biases hinder your growth

Establish your worldview

Long-termism: Focus, persistence, and longevity

What did Charlie Munger say on February 24?

Let's talk about "Success Studies"

Scan the code to follow 【Lu Canwei】, and send "self-media materials" in the background to receive two benefits for free:

1. A self-media tool kit (worth 1999 yuan)

2. An electronic version of the "2020 Wealth Calendar," containing 365 money-making tips;

👇👇👇 Feel free to click to follow~

The appreciation feature has been canceled; "Looking" is the strongest support ↘